Mondays

 Also i do find it wild the way the universe has been working. Monday after monday i waited and looked endlessly to see if you would be there and you weren't. You shut me out no matter how you want to see it. And the moment i decide im better, i was tripping the last few weeks, you come back. On a monday, having the audacity. Its funny but i now know , where your mind really is somewhat. How you operate. And i think after that. I'm good.. I do still find myself checking up. But As i write this i realize. You do just use me. Not for just anything but for your own pleasure. It was fun at first but now. Im hurt. Now im a little unsettled about you. 

OutGrowing.

 The lesson i learned that i didnt want to is, you outgrow people. You simply just become 2 different people with different interests and you begin to become annoyed by the other persons actions. Once it does get to that point i feel like you can either mend and speak on it or just let it die. I never wanted a certain friendship to die. And i held on, she held on. But in the end i realize.. maybe this is something that was long overdue. Something that was bound to happen. The little snake shit we've done back and fourth is what shouldve ended it to  begin with but both being naive , we continued. Sometimes outgrowing a great friendship is almost like a heartbreak. But in the ending of this one , seperating mself only felt like the best thing i could do. If your loyalty is changed when your not sober, were you ever really loyal my friend?.. It hurts but i put it to an end. 

Still pushing.

 As wild as the rides been. Its been a journey. Ive spent more time getting my future in line and worrying about the nows.. for the most part. Of course my mind is still going a million other ways at maximum speed but , its been more peaceful? I can see the life i wanted so badly being so close and its exciting yet scary. Ive come too far to quit and let anything/one stop me.