Been a minute ! But im always better than the last time. Or at least i try to be.
Life the past month has been short of eventful. I visited family and tried to get back to who i really am at the core. Why am i so obsessed with figuring this out ? Im at peace with the things i battled with mentally before. I should be grateful for my everyday life. I AM grateful. But i know this isn't living at my fullest potential. I have to jump head first at everything that im scared of. I hate admitting that at all. Being scared of anything. But in reality i am, i start feeling like everyone is starring at me and time has suddenly stopped. Focusing on me. Now lately ive been snapping myself out of the occasional social anxiety by simply telling myself "Nobody gives a fuck" "Nobody cares that much to worry about you". But its so hard when in the moment your sweating fucking bullets and shaking trying to be normal.
Online my presence is a bit easier to give off. I can simply upload something or delete it as i please. Granted some people probably think im bat shit crazy, Fuck it. Why not post who you really are and post the things you actually do everyday. Not the rich facade of living a fancy life, having luxurious items and all these riches when in reality, They are come and go's. I dont know i'd just much rather let my soul sing. Unapologetically. Showing the real and raw versions of life and myself. BUT THAT SHIT SO HARD WHEN YOU GOT PERFORMANCE ANXIETY OR ANXIETY AT ALL!