Doors

 I find it crazy how life throws you curve balls. Like when you feel comfortable , shit will shake up. Of course then again, What the fuck are you doing getting comfortable in life ?? We all take things for granted even if its the small stuff. But the way life will test you is actually amazing because it never fails. You think your done with someone and boom , here they are. You think a certain situation is over and boom, you somehow find yourself still dealing with it in another way. This is also where boundaries and standards and self respect come into play as well. You HAVE to stand on business about yourself and i dont even mean being a bitch and saying FUCK YOU ! Not that at all although.. Sometimes that's the easiest route when dealing with certain people. You just have to know what you want in your life. Your daily intake is actually so important and alot of people fail to realize that. Which is also why everyone is hostile and on edge every second of the day. No one is actually trying to open their own doors and LIVE LIFE HOW THEY WANT. Everyone is living for likes right now. Weird times. 

I often find myself holding back and being inconsistent with my passions. How do i expect my doors to revolve if i cant push through ?! I will admit here that i do sometimes get worried about what people will think. Who can say they honestly dont think that sometimes ? Now i DO NOT live in fear nor hid myself from this sometimey feeling. I just simply withhold my fullest potential. Which is so lame of me lmao. PUSH THROUGH THE UNCOMFORTABLE BITCH AND TURN UP ON THESE FUCKERS!

Current Outlook On Love

 Now as ive previously stated , ive been falling more in love with myself lately and a lot of other people have been too. It's flattering dont get me wrong but oso stressful because im still learning to love myself fully. I came so far from licking love off knives i forgot that the silver spoon to it all starts with myself, I just don't wanna loose sight of what i been fighting for , for so long. Im scared of loving new people but i will always show love. I try my hardest to not LET people fall for me but damn man, i get it lmao. Not even to be arrogant or think im above the rest. I just know a love like mine is different. It's deep when its given out. Not like the regular fuck and duck. I genuinely always end up caring too deep about anyone i love either it be platonically or romantically. I just love to know people i care for are doing good and doing things that make them feel alive and happy. Then i get too caught up with trying to add to their happiness and disappoint myself when things end up one sided. Something i have to comprehend fully is you CANNOT make someone love you back or feel ANY kind of way towards you. I sometimes catch myself thinking "But i did this and i did this , what am i doing wrong?" The reality of it is Nothing. Im Not entirely the problem at all. It's the broken people i choose to love. Forever spreading joy , smiles and love though until i cant anymore! Some people need people like me in their lives just to know what love feels like.

 The past month for me has been a little confusing. Not in the normal, " ahhh what is my purpose in life" But more so like why is this all happening all of a sudden. Change is such a weird feeling and thing to go through. We dont ever actually realize when something is changing until it has, unless its like subtle obvious change that is you know , OBVIOUS. I guess my head has been wrapped around the amount of people and things my life is bringing back to me. Im being more social. Trying to gain more confidence and patience and overall be an amazing mom and person. I feel like ive said that last sentence so many times but honestly gaining and mastering those small things are my end goal with of course a few more good attributes. Random but i also overcame whatever body dysmorphia ive been battling over the years. I realized recently i actually am so beautiful & my body is tea as the commoners say lmao. But as for love oh lets chop it up on another one to really get a piece of how im feeling lately about love.