Changes Changes Changes

 In a world where i swore everything would always be copasetic, calm , or remain still. Everything's shifted tremendously. Shifted may be an understatement in itself.. God humbled me very hard this week. 

It was a wake up call and blessing in one.  

How long can you be comfortable with the same old thing if its not what you truly want?

 How long can you be stuck in a place where you aren't able to truly be yourself? 

Not long. God will never let you have peace in anything you weren't meant to settle in. 

Change is good. Change is bad. Change is different. Change is something inevitable. 

You have to see the blessing in everything you come across. Thank God for any and everything. 

Flow Poetry

 Every night im hit with the uncertain feeling of being alone. Im never really alone in the physical which is what so ironic. But mentally no one is near mw, Like a long road with the next neighbor 100 miles out. Ive screamed my way down the road hoping for a sign of comfort and relevance. Nothing, nothing useful at least. Instead im faced with a pile of uncertainty. Left to figure out what it is u truly want in life and question my purpose. What the fuck am i actually talking about right now lol  

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 I've been feeling like I'm in a limbo. Stuck and disassociated from the rest of the world. Im not exactly sure how to come about spreading awareness of myself or rather how i let others in on my "Lore". Life is strange right now and im honestly just trying to survive.. again. That is not the motive. Fuck. 

 The year of 2024 was a rollercoaster , from the beginning to end. January i had Delilah and adjusted to having 2 kids. Being a mom in total is insane to me and the way my life did a whole 360. All thanks to God in the end. Overall i think last year was the year of Realization and Stabilizing my emotions.  

It went by so fast, but i also reconnected with a lot of people from my childhood and met some new mutuals that i enjoy having conversations with. But still no actual friends somehow. Just acquaintances. 

Throwing away broken bricks

 Last year i came to the realization that someone i was once so obsessed over and held up to this standard in my mind. Was actually just your average joe who really didn't care if we even spoke or not. Nothing wrong in being average! But i swore this was someone who seen me and cared for my interests. Overall also gave me a reminder of who i was as well. In a few ways,  I know previous toxic relations I've had , have always somehow destroyed or interfered with my friendships with others. But that's narcissistic behavior on someone else's part. Why was i being shamed and blamed for it ? Understandable i try keeping any part of me related to love, separated from all the rest of me. But it's hard getting over someone who you wanted so bad. Very bittersweet, yet beautiful in knowing their doing okay and alive. Yes the communication may not be what it was, but at least God let me get to know you. 

Wishing well and biding goodbye <3

THE QUEEN IS BACK !

 How i managed to skip an entire year of entries is is beyond me lol. So the next few posts will be dedicated to 2024's ride. Overall the year wasn't exactly the worst, but not my best either. Better than the previous one though for sure. Anyhow , i came into this year with the mindset that , really when i stop self sabotaging myself. I will be able to take over the world. People really think i'm joking when i say that line too haha. No i'm like drop dead serious. However, im my own worst enemy. But as for now WERE SO BACK AHAHAHA :)