Let me take you all back to the year 2017. I was living with my grandma and like 12 other people in her 2 bedroom house in Lantana FL. Going to Lakeworth Highschool. Thinking life couldnt get worse than what it was and also feeling blessed and like life was worth living. Until i fucked up by letting the devil in. Disguised as a lightskin 6'0 ft boy who was more persistent than anything ive ever known. First sign of trouble. Now ill let you in a little on my mindset back then. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend let alone a lightskin boy.. Lets just say if it wasnt black like my coffee , KEEP IT! But this demon wouldnt let up and i eventually fell victim to the persistence of temptation. From the first night of failing , i signed over 3/4 years of my life to the demon. Some "fun" times but majority of them were fear, pain, hurt and unconscious. Escaping that prison was a cannon event for me. Not only did i get MY life back but i got close with everyone the demon had hid me from.
Now the year of 2025 , i currently write this with the knowledge that ive become everything i hated once before. Im a liar, cheater, deceiver, i sell dreams and make people feel less of themselves. I use people. Im selfish. Hateful. Sneaky and conniving. How did i become the very think i let break me once before?? Dealing with people now and emotionally abusing them and being a narcissist. How ..did i get here.. How do i stop acting like this and focus and love those who love me? Secluding myself from the world when all i want to do is breathe and live freely. I cant keep living like karma doesnt exist. Fore i know my future holds many nights of reaping.
Do i pray to God and ask him to strip the lust from my body? Do i beg for forgiveness from my past relations and scream of what a different person i will become? Or do i leave them to heal without me and separate all the parts of me from them.
I need to cut out the bad habits from myself like a tumor. Because at this point, they're acting like one to my life. A cancer i cant control. But in reality.. why am i like this .. ?
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